Ve Tvých Očích
Prsty hladím obrysy tvé tváře na skupinové fotografii. Nemohu uvěřit, že ej to již přes půl roku, co jsi nás opustil. Že již více než šest dlouhých měsíců neslýchám tvůj smích, nemohu pohlédnout do oříškových očí se světlými skvrnkami.
Všechny vzpomínky na tebe jsou stále stejně živé, stejně jako v den, kdy se nesmazatelně zaryly do mé paměti; tvůj hlas, pohyby tvého těla, tvá slova, či jemný parfém, jež jsi rád užíval. Stávají se víc a víc bolestivými, čím déle jsi pryč a já jsem nucen si uvědomit, konečně přijmout a pochopit fakt, že se už nikdy k nám nevrátíš. Nepohladíš mne po vlasech a nevynadáš mi do hlupáčků - tím tvým osobitým, dokonale roztomilým způsobem, pro něhož jsem se na tebe nikdy nedokázal zlobit.
Když mi to tenkráte Hizaki sdělil, nevěřil jsem. Jen zarudlé oči panenky mne utvrzovaly v pravdivosti jeho slov. Posadil se na židli a znovu se rozplakal. Já to nedokázal.
Stále ve mne přežívala naděje, že hizaki najednou vstane a vysměje se mé naivitě. Avšak s ubíhajícím časem se tato víra ztrácela, než vybledla docela a mou mysl ovládla panika.
Panika, nikoliv bolest. Ta měla přijít teprve mnohem později, avšak o to drtivější silou.
Víš, vždy jsem tě miloval… sobeckou, žárlivou láskou, která mne sžírala a o které jsi ty nevěděl. Býval jsi mým fialkovým andělem, kterého jsem toužil hýčkat, rozmazlovat… byl jsi světlem, které rozjasňovalo temnotu tohoto zvráceného světa kolem a víla, kterou jsem láskyplnými pohledy pronásledoval na koncertech.
Před sebou mám tvůj pohled. Výraz tvého obličeje, když jsme se viděli naposled. Pohladil jsi m,ne po tváři a usmál ses - tvé tmavé oči při tom pohybu mimických svalů zářily. Jako bys věděl, že se už nevrátíš, přesto jsi mi popřál dobrou noc a vyjádřils přání, že se semnou brzy, v pátek, setkáš na další zkoušce.
Tvá dlaň studila…
Měl jsem si už tehdy uvědomit, že se tím semnou loučíš? Bylo to tak zřejmé? Mělo být tvé měkce vyslovené: "Sayonara…" posledním slůvkem, jež kdy od tebe uslyším?
A jak dlouho jsi to plánoval?
Budeme pokračovat dál, tak, jak by sis to určitě přál. Prý nás tvůj předčasný skon nesmí zničit, nebo alespoň toto stanovisko zaujímá kamijo. On totiž nedokáže cítit tu bolest, jež já, když na tvé místo chtějí dát někoho jiného. Již předem jej nenávidím.
Já už ztratil svého anděla.
Mé srdce jest na kousky a já tyto kousky odkazuji tobě. Mé lásce. Mému stvoření, které spadlo z nebes. Éterické víle, jež jsem miloval.
Budou v mích písních, které daruji tobě.
S nesmrtelnou vzpomínkou…
Hizaki mne volá, že musíme na jeviště. Doufám, že tu teď s námi jsi - nejen v našich srdcích a vzpomínkách - že sedíš, stojíš, tam v hledišti, pro nás neviditelný a přesto stále přítomný, a pozoruješ nás.
Tento koncert je pro tebe.
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